Sex: Being Faithful
"Democracy means freedom of sexual choice between any two consenting adults; Utopia means freedom of choice between three or more consenting adults."
So, why do I love my wife? Some would have you believe it is the biological imperative, that without love there would be no children. Not exactly my view, that: if I ever do have kids, it won't be with her. And frankly, while she has a big, BIG lust (so to speak) for sex, there is so much more to her than that.
Though sex is a big one.
A big reason why we don't have children, I'm pretty sure, is that they would cut into time better used for having sex. Typical conversation driving home from a friends house:
She: "We're almost out of lube."
Me: *blink* "Yes?"
She: "If a beautiful woman showed up at our house and demanded to be fucked in the ass, we'd only be able to do it once."
Me: "Should certainly get some more, then."
She: "It's a consideration."
It ends up that she is somewhat kinkier than I am, but that's life. I've got a bit of what psychyatrists call an Oral Fixation, and she's ecstatic about that. So we're not quite alike in our tastes: no big deal. The art of comprimise is one of the things that makes out relationship work as well as it does. We both like sex, and it's certainly been great over the past eight years. But she said something about, um, another woman, right?
The odd thing about our being "faithful" to each other this long is that we never really intended to be, neither of us. The only shock in our lives so far is that we haven't found anyone who quite fits with our character, who neither of us has vetoed, and who hasn't disqualified themselves for one reason or another. The difficult part isn't just sexual compatability: it's spiritual and intellectual compatability. We've got a simple life, but we do have a very low tolerance for bullshit and/or drama queens. Which puts a lot of people out of the picture.
Well, isn't this infidelity? Even the search for someone else? Sure, but it's not cheating on each other. We're both completely open about what we want out of life and from each other, and frankly guilt over something we both approve of is stupid. I'm never going to stop being interested in women, and I know she's not going to stop looking at other guys (and the occasional woman), so why try to hide it? That just builds up pressures that don't have to be there, until someone finally kills the other for holding their teacup wrong. Which is a silly way to go.
I wouldn't mind having kids, eventually, but there's simply no way I'm ever going to leave my wife and she doesn't want them. We may never actually find anyone who fits the bill; we may be far too demanding of others, and others may not like either of us. Certainly possible, especially as we age and our bodies become less attractive, but so what? We'll carry on quite happily looking for something we may not find, and enjoying each others company in the mean time. The sex is great, and the conversation is even better.
It could be the spiritual side of our lives that keeps others at bay. We celebrate two holidays: Hallowe'en (best party of the year) and I Love You Day, which is every day and doesn't require a card, candy, flowers or anything else you can buy. So it could be that we're too bloody saccharine for anyone else to stomach. Well, it works for us.