April 16, 2005

Politics: Storytime!

Once upon a time, there was a rich little boy who got everything he wanted. When he was very young, he found out that if something confused him or hurt him or annoyed him, he could just go to his room and when he came out, the problem would be gone. Just like magic!

When his body grew up, he found out that he could do whatever he wanted, because he was very rich and had other people clean up anything that went wrong. Sometimes it cost a lot of money; sometimes he could just threaten people; and sometimes he'd have to lie until people believed him; but everything would work out okay. So the little boy would have lots and lots of fun by pushing people around and taunting them whenever he could.

And what does the little boy do when he's president? Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the Political Appointment equivalent of "Neener neener neee-neeer!"

Dick Cheney: "Yank" was the Chief Executive of one of the most corrupt multinationals going from 1995 to 2000 (when he felt he could make more money elsewhere), and he's lived up to that promise as Vice President. Around $9 Billion is still unacounted for, and his former (?) company is getting rich, rich, rich! Not that they're the only ones, of course. Secretary of Defence when Bush Sr. decided not to go after Hussein, which must have been a little awkward. That he's the most famous chickenhawk, less so.

Condoleeza Rice: Now Secretary of State, was piss-poor National Security Advisor. Has an oil tanker named after her. That could well be the shining moment of her career. Had the audience rolling in the aisles when she said: "The time for diplomacy is now" at her confirmation hearing. As good a diplomat as she is historian.

John Negroponte: Proposed Director of National Intelligence. Ambassador to Honduras during a little thing called Iran-Contra. Most recently, the top civilian on the ground in Iraq, which seems to be going just as well. Got the hell out of Iraq as soon as he was allowed to, has a history of politicising intelligence reports.

Stephen Johnson: Acting Administrator for the EPA. Wanted to use the children of poor families (like anyone else would consider it) to test pesticides. A "scientist" who puts his employers first, he has told the enforcement arm of the EPA to "prioritize economic concerns" when trying to do their job. Bush wants him on full time.

Paul Wolfowitz: Confirmed for head of the World Bank. Actually denounced friendly relations with Hussein in the 80's (unlike, say, Rumsfeld); is one of the "Vulcans" pushing for the US to militarily dominate the world. No problem there: it's not like the World Bank has actually helped any of the countries they've been involved with for the past 25 years. Here he's explaining why the citizens of the US won't have to pay a penny for the invasion and occupation of Iraq.

John Bolton: Already dubbed "Got Milk", he's nominated as US Ambassador to the UN. This despite the fact that he doesn't believe in the UN, or the validity of international law applying to the United States. He didn't do terribly well at his first confirmation hearing, and was described as a "classic 'kiss up, kick down' kind of guy" by one republican co-worker. He should certainly fit in with Bushs treatment of the world at large, and of the UN in particular.

But perhaps I'm being too hard on president George. He must have a sense of humour, or he wouldn't have had the agressively relaxed Xanax Queen herself heading up the Anti-Gang Initiative, providing me with fine excuse to link to Arriana Huffington.

It's like he knows that if any of these folks actually gets examined, there's going to be an uproar over their appointments, so he keeps throwing them up until the sheer stupidity and/or utter inappropriateness of the nominees exhausts all opposition. I think he's trying to prove the maxim: when you're skating on thin ice, safety somes with speed.

Seriously, the only reason Bush hasn't descended into the freakishly paranoid rantings of Nixon is because Nixon was smart enough to know what was coming, and the smell of Impending Doom drove him mad. As for Bush? He could lose his mind if it fell on a carpet, and that seems to be his saving grace.


posted by Thursday at 12:07 am


Anonymous Anonymous said...

intelligence and humour in one post. nicely done! these days, if your not laughing, you are crying.

12:27 pm  
Blogger RossK said...

what lg said.

(linked you on this one TD; too good not to)

12:37 pm  
Blogger Thursday said...

Thanks for it.

My favorite image is Laura Bush in the classroom. The image is jarring, to say the least!

7:21 pm  
Blogger PridePress said...


I am definitely going to link you in the morning. Like they already said, this is just too good to pass up!

Hope you don't mind!

What a wonderful find your blog has been.

Keep up the good work!

8:37 pm  
Blogger Thursday said...

I can't believe I forgot Alberto "VO5" Gonzalez!

How the H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks someone who advocates torture as an interrogation technique and thinks the Geneva Convention is "quaint" and outdated gets the post of Attorney General astounds.

6:58 pm  

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