December 12, 2007

They're Scared! Er, I Mean Sacred!

You have GOT to be kidding me.

A special house resolution about how special Christmas is?

Good - Freakin' - Lord.

This is the whining of a little kid saddened that he got a stupid sticker in his Cracker Jack (tm) instead of the plastic ring he really, really wanted. And now Mom's gonna hear about it for the next twenty or thirty days unless she buys him one.

I mean, really: is this thing serious? Well, 'Tis the Season for Pandering, I suppose. Better have a look-see...

Recognizing the importance of Christmas and the Christian faith.

Off to a roaring start, there. I notice Christmas comes first for ya, though! Can't say I blame you.

Whereas Christmas, a holiday of great significance to Americans and many other cultures and nationalities, is celebrated annually by Christians throughout the United States and the world;

Yeah - there's waaaay too much pagan symbolism in Easter, anyways. Rabbits and eggs? Sheesh! Hellooo, fertility rituals! Now help me put Santa on top of the tree, here.

Whereas there are approximately 225,000,000 Christians in the United States, making Christianity the religion of over three-fourths of the American population;

But would you let your daughter marry a Rosicrucian? Catholics, of course, are right out.

Whereas there are approximately 2,000,000,000 Christians throughout the world, making Christianity the largest religion in the world and the religion of about one-third of the world population;

Er... I suppose we have to include Catholics, then, don't we? Well, okay... but no fucking Amish!

Whereas Christians identify themselves as those who believe in the salvation from sin offered to them through the sacrifice of their savior, Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and who, out of gratitude for the gift of salvation, commit themselves to living their lives in accordance with the teachings of the Holy Bible;

Very, very specific teachings of the Holy Bible. In fact, the fewer bits we have to actually read and act upon, the better; cause trying to obey the whole thing is actually a bit of a pain.

Whereas Christians and Christianity have contributed greatly to the development of western civilization;

Better thank the Irish, then. Gah! More Catholics!

Whereas the United States, being founded as a constitutional republic in the traditions of western civilization, finds much in its history that points observers back to its roots in Christianity;

Okay, now it's getting interesting! Bet you this is actually what the whole spiel is about, right here: the declaration that the United States was founded "as a Christian nation" because most of the folks who were there at the time were Christians. One poison pill, sugared up and ready to swallow.

Whereas on December 25 of each calendar year, American Christians observe Christmas, the holiday celebrating the birth of their savior, Jesus Christ;

And Thank God no one else does!

Whereas for Christians, Christmas is celebrated as a recognition of God's redemption, mercy, and Grace; and

LOOT! And LOOT, you fool! LOOOOT!

Whereas many Christians and non-Christians throughout the United States and the rest of the world, celebrate Christmas as a time to serve others: Now, therefore be it

Oh, you noticed? Now, have you noticed that these same people, Christian and non-Christian alike, try carrying that feeling throughout the year? No? Well, you're right - who would bother, really...

    Resolved, That the House of Representatives--

      (1) recognizes the Christian faith as one of the great religions of the world;

      File under "no shit";

      (2) expresses continued support for Christians in the United States and worldwide;

      As you should all your citizens, douchebag;

      (3) acknowledges the international religious and historical importance of Christmas and the Christian faith;

      Repeat file;

      (4) acknowledges and supports the role played by Christians and Christianity in the founding of the United States and in the formation of the western civilization;

      Ah ha.

      (5) rejects bigotry and persecution directed against Christians, both in the United States and worldwide; and

      And no one else? Um, hello? Bigotry and persecution are bad things, genius; but they get directed at a hell of a lot more than just "Christians, both in the United States and wherever the hell else exists"! Better make damn sure there are no gay Christians, or female ones, or any darker than, say, the frighteningly cubical John Tesh.

      (6) expresses its deepest respect to American Christians and Christians throughout the world.


Bottom line, here: this entire whiny, drawn out, pitiful exhibition exists for two reasons only. First, to pander to the delusional "War on Xmas" crowd, headed up by the Gigantic Head himself; and second, to put the squeeze on anyone who knows better than to fall for the "America was founded as a Christian Nation" line. Supporters can point to the two lines I've noted above and say: "See? Even the Demon-crats say so!"

Because there's no way, absolutely no way anyone in either the House or Senate is going to oppose this bill, as ignorant and racist* as it is, because who wants to go into their next election fight as the person who was against Christmas?

*If you disagree, ask yourself if this singles out a race, religion, or creed for special treatment. Then ask yourself why.

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posted by Thursday at 8:18 pm


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