Sex: Making Simple Stuff Complicated

So the wife got me out to a "munch" in Victoria on Tuesday night. For those folks who don't know the term (like me until last year), often people who have similar interests will get together at a restaurant to gabble about what they like. This makes it neutral ground, so no one feels pressured by being the host (or guest). This munch has a round table discussion every week on a single topic, chosen semi-randomly as far as I can tell.

This weeks topic: collars.

Now, I'm not really much into S&M, as I don't think I could bring myself to actually inflict pain on someone I care enough about to have sex with, and I have no interest in being hurt myself. My kinks are much closer to the D side of B&D, and the wife tends to the B side. If she's looking to tie up pretty women, who am I to argue?

In any case, there seemed to be some concern about what collars mean to people, what to say if asked about your collar, what about training collars or trial collars, when's an appropriate time to collar/be collared, and various and sundry other questions. I didn't say much there, having just met these folks, but it struck me how many were worried about propriety.

Propriety? Not the conversation I had expected, frankly.

I suppose all the safe sex/cleaning your toys/how to tie a bowline workshops had been covered way, way before last tuesday, but a chapter on etiquette from kinksters (including a couple Goreans) surprised.

I was surprised because it's really very simple - be polite. I have never been in a situation where being polite made matters worse, and don't think I ever will. Now, sometimes I'm not polite, but that's only after I know what's going on and who deserves a quick kick; indeed, if it's well deserved and asked for, it would be impolite to refuse. But if circumastances are such that you don't know the score, either keep quiet or respectfully ask questions. Sex is just a different topic, not a different species.