January 06, 2006

Sex: Stop Queering My Paradigm!

There was a small problem with the freezer at work today, so the boss came in to take a look, as bosses are wont to do. She climbed onto a stool, and - get this - felt along the top of the freezer where she couldn't see to find out if the air was drawing properly. Her fingers got hit by the whirling fan that was noisily drawing in air even as she was mounting the stool.

Fortunately, she wasn't hurt at all, just surprised, but this disturbed me; then when she told me she had shocked herself by touching the points of a flourescent tube while she was installing it, I became outright concerned for a couple of reasons:

1) She is female;
2) I was standing right there.

Before the cries of "sexism" begin, allow me to explain my concern. Men, consiously or otherwise, view themselves as more or less expendable.


If aliens landed on the planet, and they had a physiognomy utterly different from our own, and they asked you to explain how they could tell a male human from a female one without being rude, you could tell them to carry around a metal cane that glowed red at one end. Then, when they encountered a human of indeterminate sex, they would point the glowing cane within reach of the human. A female would think, "Hmm, that's glowing red. I wonder if that means it's hot?" and avoid it, just in case. The male would think "Hmm, that's glowing red. I wonder if that means it's hot?" and grab the cane to find out.

You know it's true.

There are reasons why I'm married (fun, companionship, sex that would make a ferret blush) but one fringe benifit I hadn't considered is that she is going to keep me safer than I ever would. Guys are the ones who not only lean out on rickety ladders to paint their house, but do the same thing with a live chainsaw when trimming tree branches. She cares about what we eat; my only concern is getting food of some sort to my mouth. Remember the gentleman who attached a number of balloons to a lawn chair to see what would happen? His explanation was this: "A man can't just sit around." When women hear this, they shake their head; when men hear this, they shrug and nod. We consider the reason to be, well, reasonable.

The conclusion came to me with a shock: she was currently in a gay relationship. (I hope it continues: the girlfriend's pretty cool. But I digress.) Since there wasn't a man around her house (her son doesn't count, as women tend to be more protective of their offspring than their husbands or siblings), was she becoming more and more foolish as time went on?

It comes down to this: by allowing women to have homosexual relationships, are we dumbing down the other half of our species?

For the sake of human survival, I may have to reconsider my acceptance of personal choice in these matters...
posted by Thursday at 8:20 pm


Blogger Boelf said...

Just keep in mind that the plural of anecdote is not data.

I would have thought you boss contradicting your hypothesis would have lead you to be more questioning of you beliefs.

10:40 am  
Blogger Thursday said...

You know, I really don't want to have to put the word "humour" in the title of some of my posts: I'm hope that I'm a good enough writer that it would be self-evident.

Thanks for the comment, though.

1:55 pm  
Blogger Gazetteer said...

While I enjoy the humo(u)r immensely, I would just like to point out that data are never singular.


11:32 pm  
Blogger Thursday said...

But is the plural of anecdote "anecdota"?

Bonus points if you noticed the writing error where I'm talking about what a good writer I am...

11:57 pm  

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