Other: In The Blood

My sense of humour has been occasionally commented on, usually in hushed tones reserved for adults talking about giving their pet a B-A-T-H and not wanting to tip him off. To say I use gallows humour is only half the story: most of the time, it's being unable to stop myself from saying something incredibly stupid, insulting or callous, then scrambling to turn it into a joke that other people will understand, too.

I hate being the only one laughing at me.

I think I may have found, if not the solution then at least a root cause, of this debilitating social malady in a couple of emails sent back and forth to my dad recently:

Thursday, August 24

Had the prostate cancer biopsy yesterday. NOT FUN!!!!!! not nice. sucks real big , nasty! really sucks real big.

I went in thinking "Fiber optics and came out thinking SPACE SHUTTLE!!!"

Will get the results in a couple weeks, meanwhile I will not be dancing the watusie for a while.

My reply:
Well, you could have come out thinking "So THAT'S the Canadarm..."

Thursday (again, I know) September 7

And the word is.....TA dah.....cancer

Bad News....I have cancer

Good news.....it is small c not Big C.

Bad news...radical prostectomy is the only sure cure. Due to my sleep apnea, hypertension, weight etc it is not a good idea.

Good news.....the cancer specialists in Victoria are the best in north america.

Bad news....best chance, 9 months of hormone therapy followed by 6 weeks of daily radiation treatment.

Good news....excellent survival rate with very little chance of cancer returning for 10 years.

Bad news...it is throuought the prostate.

Good news....it has not spread anywhere else.

on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being negligable and ten being you died yesterday it is a 6 which is good because 5 to 8 means slow growing so there is time for treatment, which I start next week. I have Dr Woodley here, Dr Nielson in Duncan and an oncologist to be named later in Victoria to see in the next two weeks.

Not much is going to happen for the next 9 months.

Good news...Janet is being real nice to me.

Bad news....She is giving me lectures!

My reply:
*crickets*

Yeah, I chickened out. His wife has excellent reason for giving him lectures, believe me, and I would have pitched my own, but I decided that she was in closer proximity to him than I was. We've talked on the phone and discussed what was next, and you know the part that just kills him (heh) the most? At the end of the month, he's taking a cruise to New Orleans.

And the doctor has ordered him not to gain a single pound.

Brutal.