November 28, 2006

Just Making Sure...

The CBC program The Fifth Estate is running commercials for the latest show "The Rat"; it describes the life of a mob informant who decided to turn to the law when an attempted assassination ended up with an innocent bystander paralyzed.

The voiceover begins thusly:

*dramatic music*
"A mob hit gone wrong..."

Now, correct me if I'm mistaken, but how exactly does a mob hit go right? Seriously, either someone gets killed, maimed, or otherwise scarred for life (bad for the victims) or the attacker screws up (bad for the criminal)! Picture it if you will:

(scene: Tim Hortons, 2 AM)
A bored teen mans the till, waiting until the single customer steps back into the cold night so she can crank the music up again. He's been nursing that double-double for twenty minutes now, but she has no real reason to ask him to go.

She sighs silently to herself as someone else approaches the storefront. The shadowy figure stops outside the door, staring at her customer for a long moment before he comes in. Inside, he strides purposefully to the seated man, pulling a gun from under his coat. His target doesn't move, transfixed by the barrel of a Glock pointing directly at his face.

The gunman stops, hesitating here at his moment of truth. Slowly, he replaces the gun in it's holster, exchanging something else in its place. He thrusts it forward, saying:

"I quit this stupid job. Want a lollypop? Go ahead, they're great for quitting smoking, like with Kojak. Remember Kojak? That was a good show."

That's my idea of a "mob hit gone right". Anything else, and something's wrong.


posted by Thursday at 9:40 pm


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