Perfect(or)!

So my parents recently came by for a lovely Christmas dinner: the bad news is that they brought a bottle of wine with them.

Now, I do love my parents, but my word they make some horrible wine. Like many on a farm, they made wine out of pretty much anything that came from the outdoors: grapes, plums, cantaloupe, carrots… It’s what happened next that was the nightmare. One memory of my old home is the parents siphoning wine out of the carboy while it was still fermenting so they could have a bottle handy for dinner.

*shudder*

So the bottle they brought was all set to go: Sure, it was only a week old, but it had been aged by the “Amazing Wine Perfector” made (or possibly just imported by) by Danmar Beer and Wine Supplies. We thanked them, and immediately put the bottle in the wine cellar (okay, it’s just a crawlspace) to actually age, despite their protests.

I tried finding some information out about this miraculous device, but only found this question-screening screen at Danmar, and this question-ending screen from the Amazing Wine Perfector itself.

Here’s the claim:

Test for yourself this truly unique product. Simply pour off a glass, place your bottle of red wine on the the Wine Perfector coaster for 30 minutes and compare. (taste the 'treated' wine first before before your palate is covered with tannin)! The treated wine from the bottle will have a better nose, with a richer, smoother taste, revealing luscious layers of fruit flavour.

Wines, due to their varied characteristics, will show subtle to quite remarkable difference when treated with the Wine Perfector. The more tannin the more dramatic the difference.

The same results as if you had aged the wine in your climate controlled cellar for years.

Now that you know what to expect, simply place your opened bottle of wine on the Wine Perfector before serving and voilà. Your wine is ready to pour and enjoy. You will also improve the flavour of port, sherry, brandy, cognac and other barrel aged spirits.

There are several things wrong with testing a claim this way, of course; not the least of which is that it’s not a blinded test, in any way, shape or form. The second flaw is the tasting method: you MUST cleanse your palate between tasting samples! This is why water and neutrally flavoured crackers or bread is available at real tastings.

The best method for a taste-test between liquids is with three glasses, two of which have one product and one glass holding the other. The tester must not know which is which; but if there is a difference, then they should easily be able to discern that one of the glasses is either much better or much worse than the other two.

Here’s what I’d propose: we bring down two new bottles of our own wine, and the Significant Other would take them and an Amazing Wine Perfector into a separate room out of everyone’s sight. There, she would use the device on one bottle only. As it aged, however many glasses as needed would be marked A, B, or C (three glasses per tester). Half an hour later, she would pour the Perfected wine into either one or two of each A, B, or C glass, so that each set of three are identical.

Then the testers get to see if they can tell which glasses were “aged”, and which weren’t. Judging by the claim, it should be quite easy for all concerned.

So I think I’ll be making a phone call to the store itself to see just what information they have on how this odd device supposedly works. They are, after all, selling the item to their customers, so I’m sure they wouldn’t mind performing a double-blind test…? We’ll be heading down there in a couple of weeks, so we’ll drop by then and see what they have to say for themselves and their magical device.

As one shop proprietor said when hearing of the Amazing Wine Perfector: “Wine is a natural substance, and must be aged naturally.” We buy our kits from this gentleman’s shop, and there is nary a wine making woo-device in sight.