December 19, 2007

Well, He Didn't Die, So...

Arguably, the most dangerous thing on the ice during a hockey game is the same as the most dangerous thing during Ice Capades: it's those sharpened steel blades attached to everyone's feet.

And they do indeed have to be sharp to function properly.

Now, you'd think this would be obvious to anyone involved with skating in any way, shape or form: "Hey", they would think, "realistically speaking, we're doing the equivalent of playing basketball with Prussian helmets for elbow pads! Better be careful with these!"

Some, however, are apparently either too stupid or to psychotic to have noticed.

Chris Simon, a player who has been suspended from the NHL seven times for dangerous plays, has been suspended an eighth.

Here's why.

If you missed it, or don't want to watch allow me to describe what happened there: Jarkko Ruutu was at his bench, yapping away as usual, when Simon stretched his foot out under the linesman and hooked Ruutu's foot towards him, causing Ruutu to fall to the ice. No harm there.

Then he jumped on it.

If you don't want to see it, don't worry: the Ruutu isn't injured. Some base survival instinct, some tiny shred of whatever remains of Chris Simon's intellect thought "this is a really stupid thing to do" and he cut into the thickest part of the skate.

So let's think of whatever the hell it is Simon was thinking of. Was he hoping to:

A) Sever the tendons of an opposing player;
B) Break an opposing player's ankle;
C) Just sprain the opposing player's ankle; or
D) Field test the protective capability of Kohos?

As a result, the NHL in all their wisdom decided to kick him out of the league... Until February.


For a league that's utterly paranoid of its image, to invite back someone who's had seven suspensions when his latest action was deliberate, dangerous, and insanely stupid, this is just not going to leave any kind of impression at all.

Simon's last suspension was for 25 games. That wasn't enough to make him think about any kind of repercussions: he planned to jump on Ruutu's ankle, and in fact pulled it closer so he could. The best result from his actions, from his perspective, was... what?

The man clearly can't control himself; either that, or he can control himself and doesn't care. Take your pick.

He's too dangerous to keep on the ice. Send him home.


posted by Thursday at 8:08 pm


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