February 09, 2006

Motorcycles: Cabin Fever

I've been off the road for far too long. Normally, I'm a year-round rider, but timing, finances and flat-out bad luck have kept me in boxes all winter. Worse, I wasn't able to make it to the Vancouver International Motorcycle Show this year, and it was too late to get down to The Amazing Meeting in Vegas (best wishes to James Randi for a speedy recovery - think the two are related?). This, after finding out Kari Byron from Mythbusters will be there. *sigh*

Side note: wonder what a Hell's Angel looks like? Third picture down on the right: he bought that bike and loves it.

So the question of what to do to get rid of this twitching throttle hand arises... Well, I did some posts about all the new models available in Canada for cheap last year, and the line-up hasn't changed that much (new models don't very often), so for a change-up I'm going to describe some madness.

There's lots of utter insanity out there, so I'm limiting it to dealer-available crazies. My opinion is what counts here, and why a bike is nuts/surprising is best left to my judgement. Deal. This entire category is in honour of the V-Max, and the astounding Vincent Black Shadow before it.

First up is an oldie but freaky -

Name: Boss Hoss BHC.
Why: Because it fits a 350ci Chevy V8 small block between two wheels. If that's not enough, you could always get a 502 that produces 500 hp. It comes with reverse. Corners? What corners?
Cost: $44,000 for the 350, $52,000 for the 502.

Name: Triumph Rocket III
Why: 2,300cc puts out 140 horsepower without a fairing. Zero-to-sixty miles per in 3.54 seconds, if you can hang on. On the other hand, it actually handles like a motorcycle.
Cost: $23,000

Name: Buell Ulysses XB12X
Why: Want to take a 1200 cc bike off-roading? Big old Harley V-Twin in a dual-purpose frame, anyone who came up with that belongs here. That, pluss the Buells get on the list through sheer funkiness - I mean look at these things!
Cost: $15,000

Name: BMW K1200S
Why: Oky, you've got this rich uncle, see? And he's always been "properly attired", had impeccable manners, and kept his property neat. Then he dies, and you found out that not only did he have four mistresses, he also used to host Romanesque orgies on the tenth of every month. That's a bit of what it's like to have BMW put out a 167 hp sport bike.
Cost: $22,500

Name: BMW K1200R
Why: The uncle that no one talks about anymore, ever since... that time. You met him once: twitching eye, palsied hand and Tourette's Syndrome, but really neat to talk to! Same engine, way different look and none of that annoying fairing to get between you and wind blast.
Cost: $19,000

Name: Ducati Paul Smart SportClassic
Why: One of the great joys of living in modern times is the vast improvement in technology that is available even to us proles. So, nothing like modern technology with 1970's ergonomics, right? Racers rode these because they were paid to, and they didn't take them home afterwards... And it's "SportClassic", so it must be "extreme" (or someone missed the space bar)!
Cost: $18,000

Name: Ducati Xerox
Why: A higher-specification (!) version of the 999R racing bike, with paint to match. Despite the name, you WON'T see another copy of this where you live. The 999R is already $40,000, so one of these models is going to be stealing from the other...
Cost: $42,000

Name: Kawasaki ZX-14R
Why: It's replacing the already awesome ZX-12R. I understand Team Green is a little pissed at losing the "Biggest Bad Ass Production Bike" title to Suzuki's Hayabusa, and they're out to get it back RIGHT NOW! This should be fun.
Cost: $15,700

Name: Suzuki GSX1300R Hayabusa
Why: This is the bike that brought political pressure to bear, forcing production factories to "limit" their bikes to 295 km/h. 'Nuff said.
Cost: $15,000

Name: Yamaha MT-01
Why: Yamaha actually had the balls to release this, and I didn't think they would. A 1670 cc twin engine that has maximum torque at a low, low 3,750 rpm, this is going to be a stump-puller. Not because it can pull stumps out of the ground, but because that's what you'll have for arms if you hit the throttle too quickly. Weird look (is that really Darth Vader's codpiece on the side?), and a risky release for Yamaha, especially at the price. The famous granddaddy psycho bike V-Max only costs $13,000, and they know it sells...
Cost: $16,000

For my money? HA! I got a Speed Triple, remember?


posted by Thursday at 10:38 am


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